Oct 21 2008
More Than You Know
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again (and probably many more times): Bulimia’s a bitch. To be perfectly honest all eating disorders suck simply because they don’t just affect the person suffering, they hurt everyone who loves that person too.
I know my mom’s cried over it and wishes she could take it away from me. My dad has told me numerous times he wishes he knew how to fix it. Marc, my husband, and I have fought many times over what I will or will not eat, my counting calories, or not wanting to go out because of how I look.
My family and friends can tell me time and time again that I’m beautiful, that I’m not fat, that there’s nothing wrong with my body. But inevitably I don’t, won’t, or can’t believe them. How can I when I look in the mirror and see what I see, when I like the way it feels to be hungry and not eat, when I miss purging?
Sadly, there’s nothing my family and friends can do to make my disease go away or to change the way I feel. But they help me more than they know by just being there for me, supporting me, listening to me when I’m being irrational, reminding me to eat when I’d rather not (or fighting with me to eat), and loving me unconditionally. Even though they don’t understand what I’m going through or think I’m crazy at times, its okay. They love me, they support me, they stand by me. It’s all they can do and it helps more than you know.
Oh yes I cry. I am cring right now trying to type this. You are right we don’t understand but we do love you!!! We do what we can and we would all take it away if we could. We all have something we fight with but yours is harder then most of ours! You are very loved and beautiful no matter what you see. If we keep telling you it may get through!!! I love you!!!!
I love you too mama!