Beyond Bulimia

I’m so freaking nervous lately!  When I leave the house or am interacting one-on-one with people I don’t know especially.  I’m a self conscious person in general but this is totally different. Self conscious I can deal with, self conscious I’m used to.  This is not self conscious.  I get so nervous that everything just becomes a blur, I become numb almost.  Like I would be more comfortable locked inside my own little bubble away from all these people.  Take yesterday for example:

My husband and I went to Wal-Mart  to do some grocery shopping before Grandma and Grandpa brought the baby home.  I was pushing the cart.  I was aware of other people around me but I couldn’t hear them.  I was so scared of drawing attention to myself by doing something wrong, or appearing abnormal or funny looking.  I was so nervous that all noise was a blur, my husband had to repeat 5 times to pick up Cinnamon Toast Crunch instead of Cheerios.  The only thing I could manage to do was push the cart, look at my list, look at my feet, or squeeze Marc’s hand.  Anything beyond that was to much for me to handle. 

I don’t know what this is but its not me.  And I don’t like it.